Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
