I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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