I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
