The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize