Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
4 words: hood of his car
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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