It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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