I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
