glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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