even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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