it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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