the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
