eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
