Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
