is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
