I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
