I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
