i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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