Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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