I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
