oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
