Yo dont text me then not text me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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