Someone shit on the floor
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
