Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
