Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Soap is not a condiment
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
