when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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