I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
