So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
