Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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