My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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