i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
