kristin has been a bad kristin
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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