just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
