3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
