anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
