are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
