the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
