I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
