I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
