i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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