is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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