I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
