the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
