If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
