your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
