Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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