She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
