The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
