last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
