I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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