Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So much Jack, so little girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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