we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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