So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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