all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
