so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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