She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
