You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
