There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
