I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So many bounce houses so little time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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