he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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