i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
