Whod you bang
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
