everyone is single if you try hard enough
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
