I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
