Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
