Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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