Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two words: blizzard sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
