This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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