I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
