fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
