Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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