it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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