i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously