You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper