The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
